We all have negative thoughts and negative feelings about ourselves and our experiences. For example, I know that I am my own worst critic when I think back on conversations I’ve had. If I thought I said something that could have come off in a hurtful or negative way, I replay that conversation over and over in my head.
I’m guessing that you’ve had this experience too, but have you ever wondered why your brain does that? It’s not like the replay in your head is going to change the words you said or the reaction of the other person.
Instead, of letting your mind shame you by replaying this conversation on repeat, I want you to try something different. When you notice your brain replaying a conversation that you don’t feel good about, ask yourself what part of the conversation is upsetting you. Try to narrow it down as specifically as possible. Once you can pinpoint the part of the conversation that went sideways, it’s easier to take action to correct it.
Instead, of letting your mind shame you by replaying this conversation on repeat, I want you to try something different.
Yes, you read that correctly … you are going to take some action. 😉 I am sure that the idea of taking action is terrifying, but this part is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY in order to take back control of your thoughts. It’s also the mature, responsible thing to do. If something you said or did is weighing on your mind, then you owe it the other person (and yourself) to go back and talk about it instead of letting it linger in. You don’t want something small to fester and poison your relationship.
So, what kind of action am I talking about? I want you to go back to the person you were talking to and simply say, “If my words about (fill in the blank) were hurtful or came across poorly, I’m sorry.”
There’s not much to it, but it does put you in a place of vulnerability. However, this vulnerability is NOT weakness. On the contrary … this vulnerability shows the other person that you take responsibility for words, it shows your true heart in that the hurt or negativity was unintended, and it allows that replay in your brain to STOP because you are in charge, not your mind.
I have done this many times over the years and I typically get one of two responses. The first is that I perceived the situation incorrectly, and the other person didn’t take any offense or have a negative reaction at all. The more and more I have gotten this reaction, the more I realize that my perceptions truly do not equal reality. It’s a good way to check myself and my perceptions before I let them take over my thoughts.
The other reaction I get is gratitude from the other person for acknowledging their hurt, and it opens up the door to better communication.
People want to be seen and feel as if they’re important.
For the record, I am not just referring to conversations with a significant other. I am referring to any conversation you may have during the course of the day. It could absolutely be with you significant other, but it could also be a conversation you have with your child, friend, boss, coworker, or client. It could even be with the waitress at the restaurant you ate lunch.
People want to be seen and feel as if they’re important. If you have a chance to go back and take some action to set things right, I encourage you to do so.
This isn’t something that’s hard to do physically, but it can be difficult emotionally … especially if you aren’t used to feeling vulnerable. By patient and give yourself some grace. We are all works in progress.
Do you want to begin the journey of living a life with more confidence and joy? DESTINATION: TOMORROW is your practical blueprint to destroy the self-imposed limits that keep you small. You’ll be reminded what you’re capable of and boldly step into your true power. You know you were made for more. Dare to dream big!