I always used to feel so self-conscience. I thought that people assumed that I am not only physically disabled, but also cognitively disabled. NEWSFLASH … just because you have one disability does not mean that you have every disability.
I remember the first time I felt that way. I was transitioning from elementary school to middle school and with that transition came a new principal who knew of me but didn’t know me personally yet. When she was having a conversation with my mother about my classes for the upcoming school year, she assumed that I was going to be enrolled in the classes that were easier.
Although it was unsaid, I assumed this meant that she thought I would be in the easier classes because of my physical disability. She clearly Did.Not.Know.Me.At.All! (I graduated in the top 10% of my class, and years later when I earned my Master’s degree it was with distinction!) #humblebrag 😊
Have you ever experienced that before? People assume things about you based only on the way you look or their preconceived ideas of “people like you”?
This assumption has carried with me all these years later (obviously because I’m talking about it now! 😉) and it radically affected my interactions for years.
For example, when I was in college, I made a point to go see my new professors the first week of classes because I wanted needed them to know that I earned my seat in their class and I was up for any academic challenge they wanted to give me.
So much of my value was wrapped up in my intelligence, and to have that questioned or doubted was a blow to my self-esteem and self-worth. To think this all started with an innocent conversation by someone who didn’t know me yet …
And let’s back up even further and break this down even more … I changed the way I interacted with people based on my assumption about someone else’s assumption about me.
It is crazy to think how my self-identity was challenged and altered based on a series of assumptions. And my assumptions were just as (if not more) damaging than the principal’s assumptions. Wow … just thinking about this is confusing (and then we as humans wonder why communication is so hard 😉)!
But then I did something to change the power that other people’s perspectives had on me (not to mention the merry-go-round of assumptions) …
It is crazy to think how my self-identity was challenged and altered based on a series of assumptions.
I realized that these perspectives and assumptions were all just a bunch of stories I told myself (over and over and over … you get the idea).
Have you ever replayed a conversation or situation in your brain on repeat? The outcome doesn’t change, and you usually end up feeling awful about yourself because you are re-experiencing the pain of that conversation.
I realized that these perspectives and assumptions were all just a bunch of stories I told myself.
I needed to break the cycle, so I decided I was going to tell myself a different story about that situation.
Instead of assuming that she thought I was not smart because of my disability, I told myself that most students would have been in the easier classes and her assumption of my class schedule was based on that.
I also told myself that she didn’t not yet have the pleasure of knowing me so she couldn’t have known how intelligent I was.
Finally, I told myself that in my small town it was good that I wasn’t on the principal’s radar because that meant that I wasn’t causing problems and having me at the school wasn’t stressful, so I had a better, more positive school experience as a result.
Just as I had unknowingly written a script and a story I told myself over and over again all those years ago, I had written a new script and a new story to tell myself … but this time it was definitely intentional and purposeful.
Whenever I found myself telling the old story, I would interrupt the old story and tell myself the new ones. Over time I began believing these stories, and eventually I took back my power and my confidence.
Do you want to begin the journey of living a life with more confidence and joy? DESTINATION: TOMORROW is your practical blueprint to destroy the self-imposed limits that keep you small. You’ll be reminded what you’re capable of and boldly step into your true power. You know you were made for more. Dare to dream big!